I’m used to visiting the toilet quite a lot every day because I seem to have the smallest bladder of all mankind.
“Maaike, I really don’t want to learn about your urination habits”, I hear you think. I understand, but I just wanted to write down this story, and it involves me pissing. The pissing is actually central to this story, but not the point of this story.
I guess at this point, you can decide whether you want to keep on reading or not.
You know what is a totally awful combination? Having a small bladder and camping in a tent.
I love camping, I really do. At the same time, I hate that moment when my bladder is like, “pls, empty me”, while I’m all warm and cozy in my sleeping bag.
At that moment, just the idea of having to go out of the tent pisses me off.
This exact thing happened, as it had happened countless times, when I was in my tent in Scotland back in 2010.
It was my first time in Scotland, and I’d already fallen in love with the country. My best mate and I had driven from Fort William up to the Isle of Skye and found a beautiful spot to set up our tent.
It was on a cliff, near the coast north-east of Portree, if that tells you anything (near the Old Man of Storr).
I’d felt insanely happy all day, because the surrounding landscape was so inspiring. The weather was amazing up to this point, if you can believe it!
We just sat outside our tent, admired the views, and cooked some basic food on our tiny camping stove. We probably had a beer or two, as well. As the evening was coming to a close, we retreated to our tent for the night.
I fell asleep, but woke up quite soon. The beers had reached my tiny bladder, and I sighed. I started the 10-step “process of pissing”. Getting out of my sleeping bag as quietly as possible. Adding a layer of clothing to not freeze my ass off. Opening up the two zippers to get outside. Slipping into my shoes. Grabbing a flashlight. Finding a discrete spot to do my business. Feeling pissed off while doing all of this, and cursing at the size of my bladder.
Little did I know that this particular piss would soon become a lot better!
Like I said, the weather was great. The sun had been out all day, and the night was also clear.
This meant it was a quite cold, and I was glad for my extra layer of clothing, even though I was still shivering while doing my business. When I settled into the squatting position, I turned off my flashlight.
Then, I looked up.
Dear reader, up until that point I had not realized that my whole life I had been surrounded by light pollution. You think it’s dark outside, but when you live in an urban area, it’s never truly dark.
The Isle of Skye, in contrast, is truly dark at night.
That meant that, for the first time in my puny existence, I could see the Milky Way in all its glory.
For the first time in my life, I was happy to go for my nightly piss.
What a view!
You suddenly realize how small you are! How much is out there! How little your life matters in the grand scheme of things! Everything suddenly makes sense!
No, that’s not what happened.
No profound lessons here, other than pure awe. It was so beautiful! The most beautiful thing I had ever seen. And because I knew it’s impossible to see this at home, I did soak up the moment.
After I was done pissing the night away, I zipped up my pants and stayed outside until I could no longer cope with the cold and shivers.
I slept soundly for the rest of the night and the next morning gleefully told my best mate what he had missed because he has a big bladder.
Other than this one occasion, having a small bladder sucks. Do not recommend!
“Alexa, play: chumbawamba tubthumping”